An Alien abduction (and not the good kind)

He asked for my number a few weeks after I told everyone in the office that I had a huge crush on him hoping it would get back to him and he would ask for my number. I liked that he had a bicked head and was an intelligent man. He was older and made good money and I thought it would be a nice change. We ate at In-In-Out which is the reason I wasn’t able to smell the pungent reek of body odor that was steaming off of him until we were side by side at the movie theatre. You have never really smelled true B.O. until you have gone on a date with this man. I realize that we are human beings and that at some point our armpits will create an unsatisfactory smell but this was like a demon was dead in his pit. I held my breath for 92 minutes and we headed out to his car. So we get into his truck in the parking lot and there are street lights all around, so the setting is dark with dim neon lights outside. I am describing the setting for you so that you will have a good understanding for what was about to happen next. We were just sitting in his truck talking when he went in for the kiss. I knew I couldn’t kiss a guy with these pits so I dug my head into the side of his neck; I guess that tickled. He started saying in a low, slow motion, winey kind of tone, “Nooooo, Kannnnnnddddiiii, stooooopppp ittttt” I started laughing which made him do it even more. I was also digging my face as far as possible into his neck so that it would plug my nose. He proceeded to moan and wine, “NOOOOO KANNNNDIIII, STOOOOOOPPPPP”. I lifted my head to look at him and the neon lights were reflecting off of his bicked head and there was a bright beam shooting into the sky. I couldn’t see his face; I was blinded by the beam. All I could see was a blurry white blob of a face and a shiny beam, and all I could hear were the continuous moans; at that point I knew I had been abducted.

I can’t remember how it ended as my memory may have been taken from me but I’m pretty sure ‘it was getting late and I had to be up early’. We never went out again because I couldn’t get past the fact that I would from that point on always picture him as an alien with really bad B.O.