My first 2 boyfriend's ever.

Joe was my first boyfriend. He was a family friend and asked me to be his girlfriend in 7^th grade. During lunch we would stand in a circle with all of our friends and hold hands like we were waiting for red rover to be sent over. We spoke two words the whole entire lunch, we barely even glanced at each other; maybe a peripheral glance. But I had a boyfriend and he was cute and I was waiting for it to end. He broke up with me one day after lunch, the only two words we spoke that lunch and he used them to dump me. I wasn’t that crushed about it, but I did after that, make a serious effort to look sexy in my 7^th grade clothes; making him regret his decision while I pranced around in my blue and white striped overalls.

My next serious relationship was in 9^th grade with Sam. Sam wrote songs about me, made me pillows, and made me laugh. But the turning point came faster than expected after about 4 months. All his flaws became unveiled and I am going to spare these details for the sake of not being right out mean; I owe this much to my first ‘love’. It's really the first time the sickness had really plagued my mind. I had no idea I would be asking myself the same questions every relationship I ended up being in. Who was this guy that was my boyfriend? What was I doing here? How was I going to get out of this? After that it was down hill. I became this witch of a girlfriend. I was in denial so I stayed with him but put him through total hell. I would start fights about anything and pick on him when given the chance. I would make up stories to get him jealous and to see him cry. I mainly stayed with him because it was nice to have someone care so much about me; it was nice to be wanted.  Plus, I still wanted my songs and pillows and I still wanted to laugh damnit, I still wanted to laugh. Deep down there was no laughter; I knew it had to end. I don’t remember the details of when it finally came crashing down but it was a slow process, not cold turkey like some of the next ones would be. Throughout the next years in between all my failed relationships I would call or text Sam and give him the hope I might love him again. He would give me the attention I would need to get through the hard times and then I would forget all about him once again.